Whilst reconnecting with my world in Brisbane, I have come across some wonderful new folks in both a work and leisure capacity. There has also been the opportunity to get back into some deeper conversations with old friends about their lives and what’s happening for them. Though I’m not intending on filtering my social chats through my work lenses, my personal interests of mental health, yoga, self-awareness, work life balance and generally being kind to each other, creep into my thoughts and words.
Practicing yoga this morning was particularly heart wrenching.
In the past month I have listened with a concerned and heavy heart as people speak to me of the changes they are going through in a work capacity. Stress around targets, lack of support combined with pressure to achieve, the buy in from the employee into the values of the company that are being grossly mismatched with the reality of the situation. You can see people struggling with the ‘why’ when they still feel so bought into something that makes them feel so awful.
I spent a bit of time thinking about this through the theories used in counselling. One that comes to mind is ‘Attachment Theory’, where we can be held in a secure attachment when our needs are met. We have space to explore and be curious, be successful, knowing our base is firmly planted in the same spot should we need it. If we look at our relationship with our workplace like an actual ‘relationship’, when the values change/shift, the company grows and does not maintain the same level of care for it’s employees, the employees may feel a sense of loss and confusion about where their ‘secure base’ went?
In the same way we mourn a loss of an important relationship in our lives, friend/partner/loved one, we mourn the loss of the relationship we have with our workplace. It can feel like they started having a relationship elsewhere, the standards for what was expected shifted without notice and what’s left is messy, confusing, and confronting. Due to the nature of the relationship being with an ‘entity’ and all the relationships that exist within that, it can make processing all the raw emotion more challenging. Without strong support networks, self care practices, or the ability to rapidly gain an alternate perspective, it can have a direct impact on the mental health of an individual.
Think about the last time you had a relationship end. Maybe you didn’t see it coming, maybe you knew you were unhappy for a while but didn’t take any action, whatever the situation – it impacts other parts of your life. Eating habits may change, routine goes out the window, you sleep less, sleep more, use different types of coping mechanisms to deal. The loss has potential for a whole life impact, before you even recognise that something is happening.
The good news is that if it’s the work relationship that is causing this, you, the other half of the relationship, can be proactive. Recognising a change in values may be the first step. Does the day to day practice align with your values? No? Then you can start spending time looking into new places that do. There is always another option, allow your mind to open to what else is out there for how you want to spend your working life. Drowning while treading water isn’t going to support you in being the best version of yourself.
The only person that can rescue you is yourself.
Be your own secure attachment.