Sitting at an airport once more, which is my second favourite place to reflect on things – the first being the shower of course! This past week has been one of the most emotionally draining and stressful weeks that I have had in a really long time. Thinking back, losing my passport (and debit/credit cards, license, general sense of adulthood) in Germany was actually less stressful than the week I’ve been through. What has made this stress and emotion so prevalent in my world you ask? People. Lots of things to do with people.
I love people, this is where my challenge begins. In the past 5 months I have had a couple of shifts in my life, I moved, settled into a home with a roommate for the first time in 2 years, seriously opened myself up to dating with the view to larger and more long term situations (read: I’m based in one spot for more than a month at a time). It has been a lovely time of learning how to live with someone again, finding the rhythm and flow within our home. I got a plant (Paz the Peace Lily) that I refer to as my work colleague as he is always at work when I am, also prone to the odd house party if you give him enough notice. The roomie and I have come to realise that when I leave the house for more than a weekend I need to be quite specific in terms of how often Paz needs to be watered, notify him that the dishwasher needs to be run, and that I cannot be the sole person who has access to the letterbox key. It has been nice to have someone who is fairly chill bouncing around the house, especially when I need to have moments to offload all the crazy in my brain and have someone to cook for, even though he rarely eats anything that isn’t salmon or based in white carbs. In the scheme of home based stress, we have discovered that if the cleaners come once a month and Paz makes it through each week – we are all happy campers.
I added some American friends into the mix for a couple of weeks recently, it was amazing to have them and their departure was very sad. It’s wonderful to have people come and visit you who get you from the word go, like no time has passed since you last saw them, and though you have spent less than 2 months together out of a lifetime they know you as well as a long term friend. We had some adventures and then I sent them back to Denver with fresh tattoos and full hearts. The hardest part was not getting on the plane with them! Their departure on the Wednesday, combined with a couple of external frustrations, added into the pressure cooker that had been building silently in my brain.
Communication has and always will be one of the highest priorities in my personal and professional relationships. When communication breaks down, I have a strong desire to re-establish it in a manner that leaves everyone understanding where they stand. It’s my own version of the ‘hit by a bus’ theory. I like to think everyone in my life knows how I feel about them, typically that I love them and they are important to me. Sadly, this is not always reflected or upheld in all areas. I had a double whammy of communication fails that resulted in feeling empty, stressed, confused and quite disrespected. Within a 48 hour period I was able to re-establish a sense of equilibrium in both relationships, one through honesty about what it takes to build a friendship via long distance and the other was redefined into professional relationship as the impact of their actions (and my subsequent rage) was quite profound. Though the process of dealing with all this felt messy, unsettling, and challenging from my end – the process of recognition, response, and reflection all took about 48 hours. By being able to identify what I was feeling upset over, being responsible and communicative around that with the relevant parties, the issues were not left to linger and everyone could get on with things.
The major learning point here is that I spend my time educating people on how to look after themselves and how to best manage their own stress. I can hand-on-heart say that exercise (yoga/rock climbing/physio exercises), talking to friends and family, and being grateful all contributed to me remaining functional. I was able to roll with the crazy, deal with the stress, and ultimately allow everyone the grace to move as needed in a manner that is respectful to all parties. At the end of it – that feels like a win to me!
Happy Wandering!
Hx