You know what is sexy? Listening. Listening, closely followed by the ability to be accountable. You know those people who you can hang out with and they ‘get you’, you feel heard, you know exactly where you stand with them, and you know that if they say they will do something or be somewhere – they will. Or they’ll keep you in the loop if life gets in the way of set plans.
In a world that is short on soft skills, these two things can set you apart from the crowd. Imagine being around people who are transparent and active in what is happening. I hold my time and the time of my family, friends, colleagues of high value as everyone is time poor. I equally hold actions or inactions to a high level of accountability. It is totally okay if things happen and you can not deliver on something you promised, if those who are counting on you know about it. There is little point in spending time already lost rehashing ‘why’.
I remember feeling this acutely in a previous work role once. I had a long list of things to do, a rapidly shrinking space of time to do it in. The long list was of my own making, there were a number of reasons it had been growing without much attention, life outside of work was happening – not much of it fun stuff. I was sitting down with a manager staring down the barrel of 2 hours of justifying why my work hadn’t been done, rather than using that time to rectify the situation. Rather than both of us enduring that shitty conversation, I suggested I just go and get shit done. The adrenalin response was put to effective use and the list was achieved before the ‘drop dead’ point. Much more effective. Completely self inflicted, I did not like that process one bit! It force me to get over myself quickly. Time wasted in meetings discussing poor time management is more time wasted. I already had too much to do, this conversation wasn’t really going to help at all. I put my big girl pants on and did all the things as I had said I would. I felt strong that I could hold myself accountable, keeping my word and being productive at work. No one needed to hear my bullshit, I didn’t have to make any up. Everyone was happy.
Being around those who are accountable and who actively listen, leaves you feeling refreshed, having a sense of truly connecting with another person, and no questions on what’s happening next. When you hold yourself accountable and apologise for those times you slipped up, it allows you to let go of all those heavy ‘reasons why’ and be sorry that you impacted the other person. This can also become the normal way you communicate, “sorry I let you down on that, I know my inaction impacted you. Next time I’ll reach out for help and to let you know sooner.” Heartfelt, honest and you have given the other person the opportunity to respond with grace and understanding (if they want to, you don’t get to control their reactions – that’s a whole different (and way less honest) type of conversation). They have the opportunity to be honest and vulnerable with you too.
Listening and accountability, they are the emotional versions of a great set of legs and a perky bum (both hot in either sex (also non-gender specific)).
Happy Wandering!
Hx
Disclaimer: As a AEP/future counsellor – good general physical and mental health are the underpinning of all things attractive for all ages. See your friendly allied health professional for more information!