It’s a point of contention, a gripe you may say. I am a person – one who is chock full of feelings, thoughts, emotions, and ideas. I am a single gal who has previously taken a proactive approach to the dating scene. In life I am the type of person who has a friendly face that you’d ask directions from if you’re lost. My friends have said I’m warm and approachable, somewhere between ‘Alex the Lion’ and a Golden Retriever. I like people; I like to give them the benefit of the doubt far more often than they typically deserve. This is mostly due to the security I have in knowing that this too shall pass. I have had my own fair share of heartbreak and loss, being both the cause and the effect. In terms of the ‘feels’, I can only speak from my own perspective.
Where I last left you, I had speed dated. It was a pretty funny exercise and one I’d likely do again at some point. The funny part to this is that one of the men whom I’d outlined I would have liked to see again got in touch. Winner! How exciting! My little heart warmed at the idea of a date where I had met the person before and was genuinely interested in getting to know them more. Novel idea hey?! The story goes – he went overseas for a week, stayed in touch (of his own volition, he found me on the medias), with outlines of getting together upon his return. Needless to say, this didn’t occur. At some point on his way back over the Pacific Ocean, his mind changed. This was left to me to figure out independently as communication ceased entirely. For context, this went from him initiating chat most days, sending photos of the activities he was doing (with other family members, I was getting the whole inside view), and general banter, to a cranky text about a delayed flight and then….nothing. As mentioned earlier, I give people the benefit of the doubt, thus I checked in (one text, nothing overboard), and enquired about his flights/return home etc. I got a very short, concise, blow off message. It felt like a slap to the face. I did the obligatory check in with a friend or two who I was catching up with over the course of the next day or so and they confirmed it did appear to be a blow off text. Rude, right?
Once my ego had gotten over itself about all the indignation of being treated poorly by someone who I had previously enjoyed the company of (it seems to sting a little more when you’ve met them in person and it’s not a person you’ve mentally put together via a series of messages), I got to thinking – how is this socially acceptable behaviour?
Now, if I demonstrate hurt feelings and get upset at being treated poorly, does that put me into the ‘crazy female’ category? How do you express emotions via a medium that is so unsatisfactory in so many ways? This guy doesn’t have to face up to his sub-par actions; isn’t required to explain or apologise for his behaviour, nor be accountable to it. When did it become acceptable for people to treat each other like this? I’m not suggesting I’m infallible; I do know that if I know that I’m not interested in someone I tell them. More often than not both parties know if there is a point in seeing each other again, what’s the point in leaving someone hanging though? When it all happens via text, it’s both real and not. You can be in the box and outside it at the same time.
I have spent most of my adult dating life wishing people would use their words. One guy I really liked and we were on our third date and I had to ask if he was going to kiss me or not? The answer was yes, thank God. Even if the answer was no, I’d at least know where I stood. Being rejected is a lot less chaos inducing than all the options that my brain thinks up in trying to solve the unknown problem. It may be my empathetic mind wanting to understand the other person’s point of view; it occurs to me that if communication was better utilised there would be a lot less crazy in the world. To be clear, better utilising communication does not mean sending texts at 3am saying “Howdy”… That’s no way to impress a lady, not this lady in any case.
And, let me tell you, this lady is due some damn good impressing.
I’ll even tell you how: respect and kindness (the odd bunch of flowers for no reason are rewarded with extra big smiles and an increased sense of ‘floaty happiness’ that I mostly reside in).
For someone who is a self-declared ‘heart-on-my-sleeve-romantic’ to start to feel the tiniest bit miffed at the idea of dating; things are shifting into new territory for me. Into what and where, who knows? Watch this space…. Time is the great revealer. In the interim, I move onwards with a strong sense of who I am and who I want to be in the world and continue to spend time with people who understand kindness with a touch of selflessness. Those are my peeps whom I love dearly!
Happy wandering!
Hx