“We need more gentleman in our lives.” This comment came whilst discussing the ending to a book a girlfriend and I had both recently read. Granted, 1921 was a different time, yet the thought of ‘gentleman’ draws women back to reading books like this and continually re-watching the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice (Colin Firth is a big part of my early teen memories, Mum would happily stare at him or Matt Damon all day – the lady’s got taste). Whilst I’m not a huge fan of the lack of communication that comes with the era, I am a big fan of the chivalry. This point seems to be reinforced when I venture out into the wide world of dating….
My most recent date, an hour of my life I’ll never get back, was 45 minutes too long in length. It came to be via the age old format of ‘e-sites’ and he was the first man who actually asked to meet me in person (a few ‘pen pals’ never quite got around to asking, weird you should want to meet in person right?). There was a sense of trepidation in going as I was getting a bit of a ‘smooth talker’ vibe from him via text. However, text provides no context for who someone is in real life; I am sure that I’ve been dismissed in the world of dating due to an interpretation of my ‘text with no context’ personality. My goal is to keep an open mind, life is always full of surprises. So, I showered, made myself date appropriate, and headed into the wilderness.
I was sitting at the bar, looking about, clearly the first to arrive. Not a big deal as I’m always early. Upon his arrival I did note that he was not really the 5’9″ he had outlined, closer maybe to 5’6”-5’7”. I am 6 foot tall. I wear flats out of courtesy if I know I’m going on a date with someone shorter than me. It would be courteous of them if they were truthful about their height and save us the awkward greeting situation where we both silently acknowledge the lie. Minor embellishments aside, the date continues to deteriorate. He asked me about my work:
Me: “I educate employees on a number of different topics”
Him: “So you work with monkeys then”
Me: “… I’m not sure they’d describe themselves that way….”
Yes, that’s exactly what he said, comparing the general population to monkeys. I really had nowhere to go after that, I was in a bit of shock I think. There isn’t enough wine on the planet that is able to remove that conversation from my brain.
The rest of the 45 minutes was spent with a human version of a profile questionnaire: What 3 words would your best friend use to describe you? Tell me about your siblings? What’s your spirit animal? I had been trying to make the time spent there less like an interview and more like a conversation between two polite strangers who had just met. There were so many awkward comments, the sitting arrangements, the opinion on responses I offered up. I think my inner alpha female came out and roared at him when he said “My spirit animal is a monkey so that if I don’t like someone I can fling my shit at them”.
Really? Really?? I put pants on for this conversation??? (May I also add that is guy is a PhD student, perhaps too long in the lab?)
Returning to the gentleman comment. Though I generally spend my time yelling at the screen saying “USE YOUR WORDS” during the above mentioned BBC TV shows, somethings don’t need to be said. What would make a difference in my dating life is clear, thoughtful communication in conjunction with meaningful actions. If you like the other person (me), make a follow up plan, then we both have something to look forward to without the question of ‘do they want to see me again’ hanging over our heads . If you don’t want to see them (me) again, say so. You can even do it via text. In the Spirit Monkey’s case, I politely declined being escorted to my car at the end of the date (he did aim for gentleman, I will acknowledge that. The mark was grossly missed though) and wished him farewell.
Knowing someone doesn’t want to see you is easier to digest than thinking you had a connection and being left to wonder why they disappeared into the textual abyss. Believe me, life worked beforehand and will continue to move forward should you choose not to be a part of it. On the brighter side, should you wish to partake in more dates, let a lady know. We do get excited if there is ongoing dating potential with someone whose time we enjoy. If you should interpret enthusiasm for the dreaded ‘female crazy’, please take your gentlemanly ‘poo’ elsewhere…
Happy Wandering!
Hx