There are many things that bring me joy in life. Many. I am very thankful that I have the perspective to take something that’s not ideal and be able to learn a lesson from it.
I was in a position recently where a gentleman that I had previously had a bit of a crush on (it had never gone anywhere) indicated my previous feelings were (now) reciprocated. For some context, this was done via snapchat on St Paddy’s weekend – thus my engagement into the outlined conversation was perhaps a bit guarded. Said gentleman also resides in a different timezone and I have no idea how much Irish celebration he’d been partaking in and if his Snapchat memory was inebriated or not.
I haven’t really spent too much time with this guy in the last 5 years, he doesn’t really know me in real time – my sense of humour (ie, how hilarious I am in real life. Just ask my housemate – constant entertainment), my dialect, how I write relative to how I speak. He knows my FB, IG, SC presence, with some emails and sporadic texts between. Likewise in reverse, I know bits and pieces of him and his life. I’ve stayed in his apartment whilst he was elsewhere – I know his generosity, his love for family and friends, his dedication to the company he works for. I feel like I have a macro view, the micro details left to the imagination. I was a bit excited when I received a message indicating we should attempt to break the Guinness world record for making out (58hours, 35 minutes, 58 seconds if you were curious). It was flattering, fun, and playful, all things I enjoy in someone who would like to spend 2 and a bit days attached to my face.
Then… well, there isn’t much to tell. Hangover/real life/women in far away 
places are all as likely as each other to impact the how the intentions of the days before play out. Communication has been rapidly scaled back and no acknowledgement of his desire to become an eight limbed creature for 50+ hours (honestly, all I can think of is the level of pash rash that must occur during that time. Do you have someone with you who applies cream for you? Take a week off to recover in the facial area??)
There are two feelings here:
1. A sense of confusion – I genuinely thought I was out of the ‘I’m thinking of you whilst weekend drinking message’ part of life, I welcome this from my future partner if he’s off drinking somewhere without me. Go for it! Send me as many texts as you like, as long as you’re enjoying yourself with the people you’re with in real time too (as much as you can without me, anyway ;). As a lead up to ascertaining my level of interest, I kind of thought that stopped a few years ago? Perhaps I’ve been missing out?? Is Snapchat the long distance version of awkward conversation whilst figuring out if there is something there worth pursuing? The benefit of real life is you get the frisson of energy between you and the other person, there is no replacement for that.
2. A sense of clarity – I am still awesome. I really don’t need the attention from anyone to feel a sense of value as a person, to feel desired, or loved. I know my value, I have many opportunities to feel loved by friends and family with or without sporadic declarations of intent to consume 2.5 days of my time. It was pretty funny, brought a smile to my face for a different reason than why it’s usually there. It’s not often a giant leprechaun sends you a video of them dancing. Perhaps my pot of gold isn’t too far away?!
Life continues to entertain and educate. I’ll continue to wander, always keeping an eye out for the record breaker and beyond!
Happy Wandering!
Hx